Discrimination….y does it still exist????

I am a SMOKER…
I am a HIV positive….
I am an EX-Convict….
I am a GAY….
I am addicted to DRUG…
I am a CANCER patient….
I am a REFUGEES….
I am a KILLER….
I am a CONVERT….
I am FAT….
I am ANAROX….
I am HYPER….
I am BOYISH…..


……so what???y??......

All dis kind of statement….as I cn say…I always hear it from others….n few of it r connected to me….well…nt dat I wanted to “fire” anybody here…bt…jz wanted to asked u guys…y does discrimination still exist???Y??you should b lucky dat u r not like dat…bt y must u discriminate them??y??easy r answer…n soie too…all of u who always discriminate people…r STUPID MORON!!!!!soie to say dis..bt it is da facts….people kept questioning me….y am I one of da volunteers 4 da HIV/AIDS societies…guys…dun asked me such lame Q…easy answer…I’m nt a perfect human in dis world…n I’m nt a superhuman too…I’m juz one little hyper, boyish gul…who only noe hw to make people laugh…at least…whenever I’m with dis kids…I felt…I noe da true pained r…they dun easily give up their life…until da time arrived…people always thought dat when we r a smoker…killer…HIV positives…they r a bad person…snap2…wake up babe…they have their own reason for all dat…they said dat HIV positives r them who make sex n take drug people…hell ya…guys….cn a small kid age 6 months take drugs???having sex????hey…dun act stupid..n dun try to b stupid….sit back n tink bout it…dis kind of random cases cn b happening to one of ur family members too…including u…yup u…da one who’s reading my blog at da moment…actually…I pity u guys for nt having da sense of huminity…hurm…so sad if I’m at ur position…okey….well..i believe in KARMA…if we do sumtink to people..we’ll get it back…n guess what…if u do sumtink such like discriminating people up on da list….sooner o later….u’ll get it back…n might b worst…remember….our life r nt always on the top…make others suffer now…n u’ll get it back…latetrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….

da meaning of it....

* Abstract thoughts
* Loves reality and abstract
* Intelligent and clever
* Changing personality
* Temperamental
* Quiet, shy and humble
* Honest and loyal
* Determined to reach goals
* Loves freedom
* Rebellious when restricted
* Loves aggressiveness
* Too sensitive and easily hurt
* Showing anger easily
* Dislike unnecessary things
* Loves making friends but rarely shows it
* Daring and stubborn
* Ambitious
* Realizng dreams and hopes
* Sharp
* Loves entertainment and leisure
* Romantic on the inside not outside
* Superstitious and ludicrous
* Spendthrift
* Learns to show emotions

PPSMI???

Okey…dis time..i wanna share a big opinion of mine in my own blog about general issues like PPSMI..well, after da government decided to stop using English in Math and Science…to b frank..i’m quite shock..or I cn say..really shocked..okey…I’m one of da 1^st batch students dat need to go this kind of situation….maths and science in english…at first…in my mind..i thought it will be most disastrous moment for us..of coz I mean it okey….bt then…after been taught by our teachers…we passed with flying colours…well, as I cn say..our 1^st impression on sumtik will never be da truth of it okey…then, in my PMR…when we received da Q paper…I have to admit it…its quite hard…bt, need we bear in mind dat we’ve been taught before…so if we focuses…we should easily got da answers rite???after struggling for 1 week…n da result is so I cn say..make me proud to be da 1^st batch to under go all dis…although at 1^st I did questions all dist ink..huhu…um, well, I kept thinking…what is da point actually..until da moment of truth came up..da time when I undergo life as kolej student..then I noe da reasons y..well,guys…actually all dat kind of stuff dat u guys need to under go is juz a preparation for u…siyesly..no joking…n when I read Professor Ungku Aziz article in one of Malay newspaper…I’m quite shocked with his answer..coz he is one of my idol(since his English is good)..bt after read dat article for few times…I realized dat..there’s truth in what he said…bt…what cn I say…I’m juz one new kid on da block…only…children…or I cn say…kids….i’m as ur seniors in dis field..u all really lucky…so, give da best shot dat u cn…dun try to give lame answer if da percentages of ur exams going down…coz…dis time..da government had fulfill ur wish…n to those dat still wanted Math n Science to be taught in English..be patient dear..when u reach da levels of kolej n Uni…u’ll get da chance….laterrr!!!!!!

true...

As I walk down da memory lane…

I realized sumtink dat I never realize b4…

I wanna go to sumwhere dat I noe I belong to…

is not dat I dun love man…people…

bt my love towards mother nature is more…

soie if disappointed u…

make u believe sumtink dat is not exist in our world….

bt trust me….

u’ll get da answer for ur Q..n u’ll find da love dat r meant for u……

this is a dialogue from one movie dat I saw recently….is not dat I dun love man…bt my love towards mother nature is more…well, guys..have u ever tink to love da mother nature???i bet no…cause youngster r like dat rite….well, if u’re broke down rite now…if u r in sad situation….take a deep breath….then, go to sumwhere dat I cn say..mother nature will give u da peace..believe me…I’m not lying…go to fountain…lake…jungle….sea…..all dis place will make u peace n always make u smile…they will never disappointed u…well, I had make one terrible mistakes…n it makes me felt really bad…at one moment..i felt, dis will be da end for me…end of everytink…I nearly jumped from da bridge..bt, will it be da end of all dis???nope…definitely no…so, I try to move on…walk slowly…as my energy going down..n I hope…soon I’ll be okey…guys help me…n pliz..pray for me…love…..OBS!!!

Nitemare…will it came true????

Well..lately..i always had dis one nitemare….really make me scraed…now I wanna asked u guys…will my nitemare become real??????????please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!then, huh…I felt like im losing me…yes..i had lost my energy…energy to study..to talk..to b hyper..everytink…from top to toe…I try to forget u…bt I cnt…DAMN!!!!do u put ur curse on me o wat ha????stupid…yes..i am a stupid person….love sumone dat nearly kill me…kill me deep inside me…dat is da facts….i dunno y..i am so stupid 4 dat kind of situation….please…dun make me love u anymore…help me to hate u…please…I’m begging u!!!!yes u….i tink better I stop here b4 my word become more worst…….

The appreciation cum when we r not here anymore….

Well, I’m currently okey…healthier than b4….although I still vomiting…bt not dat serious…hurm..okey..about da above topic….well, it is true..plez dun try to denied it…we cn c lots of xamples in our surrounding…sudirman…P.Ramlee…Elvis Presley…n the new one…Michael Jackson…we seldom appreciate people when they r with us…we often make like they r not around us..until da stage when they have gone 4ever…we realized dat dey r everytink in our life…they who make we laugh…make we feel safe when we need a shelter..da one who always there with u when u need sumone to b with u…when u sad..they who cum to u..n make ur tears go away…dat is da facts…like now..i felt all da things..i felt diff kind of emotions…hurm…well, emy currently in sad situation…coz her sis had juz undergo operation…she lost lots of blood…emy..my pray is with u…well…I wanted to say sumtink bout his situation…I’ll felt so lucky if I’m on his sister place…where he is very concern of her sis…really concern…at least…when her sis when to the operation room…he was there…he accompanied her…till da end of da operations…5 hours waiting 4 her…with patient…me??when I went to the ot..my brother is there…he cried…which make me sad..bt when I’m out of there..he was not there…as I’ve been inform…he cant stand to c my face after da operation…hurm..then..when I undergo treatment..no body dat I hope to b there with me r with me…I am all ALONE…lucky…dat da nurse accompanied me…bt it is not same…not at all…I cried every single nite of my life lately…I had lost my “heart”…I really missed him..since he da only one dat I noe will always be with me..no matter what…bt..what cn I say…he’s not with me…I am a STML person…I forget everytink dat should do in my life…really…so, I hope at least..sumone cn remind me of dat…sumone dat b4 dis really concern of me..bt now…turn up as sumone dat I dun really noe who..i noe…new person cum..old person will be forgotten..i dun want more..jz I wanted this person cn always remind me to take my medicine….bt cn I forced it??no….so, I tried all I cn to take all my medicine..if I remembered it…bt now..i always skip it..since I dun really remember to take it….sumtimes..da nurses do call me…they remind me to take my medicine…to eat on time…well, I appreciate it akk2…urm, okey…my tears r flowing out…laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……

Shock….

Last Friday….my family received a very shocked news from my uncle…well, my grandma had an heart attack…actually, with her age like dat, nothing is impossible rite??bt what makes us all shocked is, my grandma all dis while is da most fit women in our family..she cn walk miles without feeling tired…as in da vice versa…we as her grandchild have to make more than 5 pit stopped before we cn reach da top…huhu..dat whats make us felt so shocked..i went to kolej as usual…thinking dat my grandma will make it..then suddenly, my cuzzy msj me n told me dat my grandma is in da ICU n da doc asked us to prepare 4 da worst..well…I hate da WORST word…siyesly..hate it so much!!!then, started from there…my heart kin of beating faster..n tried to laugh as usual with my buddies n sis like theres nothing worst will happened to her..n I’m so rite..she r a fighter….bt what makes me angry is she dun want to b back to sbn o klang…haisy!!!hw cn we travel from KB to sbn every week meh…adei….now, my aunts try to pujuk her lar…at least if she is in Sbn o klang…we cn visit her often..nt like now…okey…um, well, ha..my second treatment was okey…da pain is still there…bt I’m a strong gul..ehehhehe…like what my doc n kak liana told me okey…not dat I puji myself okey…um, well…I went to subang parade n sopping with them…nthen, I felt like…rndu plak nk ikot kakak I g sopping..hahahaha….its okey…I’ll need her to choose new dress 4 my school reunion…so kakak..if u read dis…preapare….ahahahahahahahh…okey..later…..

Recovering….

Well, I’m recovering now…since most of da people dat I met said dat I really looked sad…sick…arghhhh!!!!i’ve tried to cover it 1001 times u noe….hate dat!!now, people have stop saying all dat…yehaaaaaa!!really epy..since I dun want to looked sick although I am…I am a hyper gul remember!!!hurm, ha..kak liana…thanx 4 calling me everyday n remind me to take my medicine…will meet u end of dis week okey akk..hehehehe….i noe u had already miss me rite??hahahah…..prasan seh…hurm, well,me now make a research bout what I’m having…tried to be more positive on it..since I had a really massive group of them who supported me to go through all dis..n they did not left me alone here…especially to practical group of SJMC…never thought dat u guys really care for me..ahhahah..although I’m a very difficult type to b understand of..i hope u guys sabar sket ye..hahahahahhaah…..um, well,act I really miss Dr hashim..huhu..miss his smile when I’m in pain…I really miss dat smile..coz now..only da smile of da people dat I love dat give me da spirit to move on in my life…n I’m also miss my sis smile…I really miss dat…really…I cn only her smile now from her pix…or when she smile to my friends n others…although in dat way, her smile still one of da smile dat make me wanna go stronger…although da smile was not meant 4 me…n I hope I will be strong…pray 4 me…urm, okey…laterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..

Y must I’ve been forces to all dis stupid situation?????

Recently, when I arrived at kolej, people who saw me, asked me dis Q, y u look so sick??so pale??i’ve tried to cover it, bt then, I failed…I lost my weight…my mood…everytink..i lost da real me…siyesly…dat what people say at 1^st…n now I had realized it…urm, I dunno what r happening to me…I realy dunno…its juz like b4…when sumone leave me without reason…i felt so sad…SAD….i juz dun have da concrete reason…if u want to hate me…go ahead..i cnt stop u am I rite???well, up to u okey…okey…I have to stop rite now…my attck r here again…laterrrrrrrrrrrrrr……

Treatment…

Last Sunday, I went 4 my 1^st treatment..well, to be frank it really pain…n lucky 4 me, my fav nurse is there with me..thanx kak liana..heheeh…um, my greatest pain is when they put in the cell killer dat I cn say like burning my whole body for more than 3 hours…I cried like hell..pain..the only word I cn describe da treatment…I’m losing my appetite to eat currently..i dun want to eat..i cant really stand da smell of food now..it makes me want to vomit…well, dat is da side effects…for past 1 week, I had lost my weight 3 kgs..just imagine I took months to gain my weight, n I losses 3 kgs for juz 1 week…Lnow, my room is like a medical lab since it contain 1001 type of medicine…if I dun take 1 out of 5 type of medicine dat cn cure me, I’ll get da side effects…damn…y does must I go through all dis!!!bt I’m so epy dat people dat I cn rely on r always there beside me..love u guys…once I’m fully recovered, I’ll treat u guys okey…muahhhhh..ehehehe….um, okey…got to go…will update more later….kak liana, thanx….kak nor n ina thanx 4 remind me to take my medicine always….to kakak n fit, thanx coz took a good care of me all dis while..to my 3 heart care, thanx a lot 4 always be there 4 me…muahhhhhhhhh….laterrrr…

General knowledge classs……

Hahahah…still remember da time when one of my fren said dis…when dat time I cant really answer easy general knowledge Q..huhu…what a shame…heheeh…okey, dis time I wanna make a statement about few issues…well, 1^st, abortion…seems like human nowdays especially women(soie 2 say dis..bt it is da facts) losses their sense of humanity…they only noe da joy part in everytink dat they do without thinking da side effect or as I cn say long term events…as I cn say lar…then, what on earth r u guys thinking until da stage dat u dare to kill ur own baby…da one who been created bcoz ur own stupidity..hell I hate & bullshit guys….dun give stupid answer to my great Q..remember!!next statement…smoking…drugs...alcoholic…hey, I am one of them..bt not in da siyes stage…did i??ahhahahaha…tetibe bengap jp…well, in dis case..it all up to u…choose what u tink best 4 u…n 4 ur future too..remember, what u do now will effect ur future..trust me…I’ve been through all dat..n I really regret it..so, wake up n move on…dun try to stop ur life now…if u say u know what does real pain mean..u r a liar..not to say dat u never been through all da pain..yup, I now..we as human will always go through pain journey…bt not dat extreme…after I’ve been diagnose, I tot dat I dun really have any life anymore…bt im so wrong..i do still hve them who care for me..i still remember kak liana said dat “adik jgn ingat adik dh xde pape dlm idup adik…sbb adik still de kaki, tgn n bley brcakap…ingt owg yg saket lg trok…”she really make me realize sumtink..i’m one stupid gul dat dun really appreciate what I have…am I rite??i noe all of u r nodding ur head now..huhu…sad…well, guys, I tink better 4 me to stop here..my tears r flowing down…lateerrrrr……

Medicine…what does it mean…

Hurm, well…I’m so tired of dis medicine words actually, until one stage I think I should be in dis medic field rather than multimedia, the course dat I’m taking rite now..huhu…I noe every medical term rite now…I noe every type of medicine dat sumone should take when they r not feeling well…so, I should be a doctor rite??hahahahaha…perasan…well, sitting alone with only my laptop and sum nurses passed by me…makes me wonder,will I stay here for a long time? 4 temporary??looking to the busy road beside the hospital lobby, seeing how hectic life dat people living in Subang Jaya have to live, I’m grateful, dat my life is not like dat..at least, like u noe,I live in Port Dickson…as I cn say..peaceful place..studying at seremban..although it is a place called town, but at least not as hectic as here… I remembered one practical nurse age 20 talking to me when she saw me sitting alone at the lobby..she came and we have a chit chat…she said dat I dun looked like I’m sick…coz I always make all of them here laugh…well, I love to c others smile…coz it really make me epy…then, I dunno y, suddenly I cn c tears cuming from her eyes when I said dat, if I only have short time to live, I want it to be as normal as always…I dun want to make it differently…so dat when I’m gone…they won’t feel it much…I did asked y…she begin a story dat also makes my tears flowed out..she said, once she have a sister…she love her sis so much coz she only have her as sis in dis world..she gave all da love dat her she should get…one day, her sis been diagnose with leukemia..only Allah noe how she felt dat time…she can’t accpt the facts dat her sis will go apart from her…bt, her sis always smile…never failed to laugh every day…although in treatment…I noe the cancer treatment is pained..my dad have gone through all dat…n might b me next…then she said, when the doc said dat she only have 6 to 10 months to live, she gave da same answer as I did..OMG!!!i juz cant believe it....i apologize to her since I didn’t mean to make she recalled all her memories with her late sis..i noe hw pained it is when we lost da person dat we care n love so much…to kak liana, be brave..Allah always be with u…thanx 4 give da care to me too…and to late Iman, may Allah bless u…and to all the staff her including da practical nurses dat always there with me…I hope I’m not a burden to u guys…and to Dr.Kimi, Kak Nor, Kak Ana..thanx 4 visiting me..make me 4get bout my probs for 1 hour..n makes me laugh like theres no more 2moro…hahahaaa….n thanx 4 da new bebear..like it…n to others..thanx 4 da prays…adiox..